These past few months have been a roller coaster of emotions as women all walks of life reveal secrets that have been haunting them for years. And no matter what your opinion is of the ladies, you have to say, no one deserves to be sexually abused for any reason.
Statistics show that no family is completely safe from sexual abuse. Either we have been abused or someone know has. The vile act has touched our lives in one way or another. The mass influx of accusations has shown whether rich, poor, or in the middle, sexual abuse is always possible. One in five women will be raped in their lifetime . 1 in 4 girls will experience sexual abuse. 1 in 6 boys will suffer some unfortunate of being sexually abused befor 18years old. 91% of sexual abuse victims are women. And eight out of ten sexual abuse cases reported the victims knew their attackers (NSVRC, 2015). One thing for certain, there is no shortage of predators. Predators are our fathers, uncles, cousins, brothers, neighbors, teachers, coaches and bosses. They look like us. They live with us. They smile like us. Sometimes, we even love them, and they say they love us. Whether the predator holds a controlling position with the ability to block your employment; family members who instead of caring for you, take it upon themselves and take your inocence; or a doctor, a coach or teacher who is suppose to guide us, these predators are sick. They have ego problems; which is a mental illness. Instead of saying to themselves, I have no right to do this, they choose not to control their greed. And that, is their disease . Allah says what means, in their hears is a disease, and Allah has increased them in their disease (Surah Baqara, Ayat 10). This ayat was for the hypocrites( May Allah protect us from being one) but whenever a person persists in doing perverted behaviors whether sexual or otherwise Allah increases them in that behavior until they leave it.
A predator’s bad behaviors doesn’t stop at molestation, rape or whatever perverted crime they commit. Their illness reach every aspect of their lives. If you look into their lives you will see a life full of turmoil; no matter what it looks like from the outside. Their marriages, employment, social lives, most of all, their spiritual lives are in disarray. Why? Because predators are selfish. And selfish narcissistic people can’t love. Selfish people can’t give more of themselves because they are vultures. They steal from others to make themselves happy. They don’t care about anyone other than themselves. And after all the misery they cause they leave their victims to deal with the ramifications of their abuse; whatever that is.
No matter when the abuse, rape or assault happens, it is devestating. Sometimes the effects trauma may lasts a lifetime. Symptoms such as depression, insomnia, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness and burdensome can result(rainn.org, 2016). On top of all that, helplessness. But your life doesn’t have to be arrested by the assault; you can get past #Me too”.
You will never get over being abused; someone stole something from you. And you’ll never get it back. But you can heal from it. It is a long tedious process, but it can be done. Here are some steps I’ve taken to heal and grow in my journey.
1.It is not your fault. It was never your fault. You have to know and believe this. If you don’t, you will blame yourself for the crime of another for the rest of your life.
2. Don’t fight the healing process. Damn this crap hurts. When someone steals something from you, it hurts. And like all injuries, your soul needs time to heal. Let it do that.
3. Forgive the people that were supposed to protect you. Easier said than done, but it is hopeless to keep a grudge against those people. Truth is they failed to do their job; they f-cked up. Point. blank.period. And there is no fixing that. But if you keep the anger in you against them it will only kill your own soul.
4.Go slow. This may sound like number two, but seriously, I can’t reiterate enough how important it is to take the healing process one day at a time.
5.Cuss! Cuss the motherfcker out that harmed you. Whether they are alive or dead, down the street or across the country, look in the mirror and cuss them out. Tell them how you hate you what they did. Tell them you wish them dead for what they did, if that’s what you feel. The goal is to say what you need to say and leave it. Don’t revisit it. Don’t give them that kind of power.
6. Don’t forgive! Don’t forgive your perpetrator unless that is what YOU feel is the right thing for you to do. Family and friends will try and pressure you into saying you forgive them but don’t give into it. In the still of the night after you have cried, cussed, and released you may find forgiveness. Then you do whatever you to do to keep yourself intact.
7. Dua! Dua! Dua! (prayer) Make dua that Allah relieve you from chains of sadness. Ask Him to have mercy on you and remove the pain.
8. Last but not least: live! Live the best life you can. I don’t know if predators think about the harm they cause but I can say that living well is always the best revenge. Be happy! Love your family! Love God! Do whatever you can, but live well!
I love you for Allah’s sake and for my own selfish reasons. And if you ever need someone to talk to please don’t hesitate to reach out to me @ firstname.lastname@example.org
or call Safe Help @ 1-877-995-5247 http://www.safehelp.org
National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255
You never have to suffer alone.
Statistic About Sexual Violence. (2015). Retrieved December 04, 2017, from https://www.nsvrc.org/
Victims of Sexual Violence. (2016.). Retrieved December 04, 2017, from https://www.rainn.org/